Why do we miss people?
Why do we miss? The problem with missing someone lies in the emptiness that person has left us when they leave. When you miss someone, it can hurt a lot. But as long as you really understand why you miss them and remember that all you need is time, you will surely get over the suffering of missing someone you can no longer have.
The meaning of missing
Missing, missing, longing for, longing for or remembering someone or something very dear experiencing their absence or loss, is an inner recognition that confirms that it has been truly significant, with an emotional and affective value capable of remaining in memory, capturing the attention and thought.
To miss allows you to generate a feeling of continuity. We want the people, things, or situations we loved to endure. When this does not happen, we have the possibility of discovering not only that it is no longer there but that it can be in a new way, with another presence and density.
You always need a trigger to start wondering: a special date, a photo, an anniversary, a place, a scent, a memory, among other things.
If you miss someone only when you feel sad or lonely, that is not necessarily love. With the pleasant memories of a person we only try to get rid of our loneliness. Instead, when you want to share with someone the happiest or most difficult events of your life, then you may love them.
It is known that when you love someone you want to be with that person as long as possible. When we separate, even momentarily, we begin to wonder as if the other person were a constant need of our heart. We must ensure that missing does not make us dependent and attached, but rather is a healthy sign of solid, significant, lasting and affectively rich relationships; a natural consequence of the bond.
Missing affects the mood, the affections and the body. We miss with all that we are. A part of us is torn from us in that state. When the person we miss is around her, we don’t always value her or give her our time and attention. When that person is absent, then we inevitably miss them.
This can be learning to value the presences when they are there and so that in times of absence we can assimilate the experiences of the bonds.
Missing is a strange feeling. Not because it is not common or unusual. On the contrary, most of the people, every day we miss something or someone, but because it is a feeling that evokes many emotions, some even contradictory.
Missing can cause us to laugh or cry, joy or sadness, grief or joy. In that sense, missing is strange.
What does it feel like to miss someone?
It’s amazing how the brain works. It is capable of storing without error the most unimaginable details: smells, tastes, sensations, temperatures, images… people; and conspiring them in the mind to make us live experiences and feelings that mark the good and bad moments of existence.
Thanks to this memory capacity we discover love, hatred, desire, pleasure, sadness, longing … and we learn to miss and feel nostalgic for everything that made us happy, even when life has separated us, for the better or worse.
From a young age, in each new interaction with the environment, people connect emotionally with various entities. At first it is instinctive, as in the case of a baby with her mother and then, as rationality develops, we are aware of our actions, we establish stronger bonds.
This is the case in personal, friendship and partner relationships that are established in adult life, when you meet, share and coexist with that other person, with whom you have common interests, thoughts and life projections. It is then that, if a break occurs, after several years of sentimental connections, the individual begins to experience a series of emotions that can be contradictory. On the one hand, there is the decision to be separated, and on the other, that feeling of nostalgia and longing for what was before is triggered.
Generally, when the other person prefers to make life apart from her, after a close and lasting relationship, one can miss what was received and meant. The “hole” or void appears due to the absence of the person missed, it is precisely a void of what you may still want to maintain.
In a couple, the connections go beyond understanding in dialogue, they include security, the complementation between the sexual and the emotional. However, with this way of thinking the door is usually closed to new opportunities, whether they are better or not, because the “ego” misses something, embellishes it and perfects it as an argument to recover it.
Many times the members of a couple resist separation because they confuse in that feeling of “missing” a feeling of love that no longer exists. It is good to know how far that longing responds to a feeling of continuity and not to the habit or need for security, following the old proverb that “better known bad than good to know.”
That nostalgia can’t always be a good counselor. Taking some time, understanding why the breakup or separation was, always bearing in mind that a withdrawal on time is better than a final defeat, is a philosophy to take into account. Of course that does not mean that you give up the story if you want to give a second chance. In this case, it would be necessary to rethink the mistakes and take more renovating attitudes in the relationship, which avoid tripping over the same stone twice.
Sometimes the difference between wanting and loving involves a question of possessiveness or whim with respect to seeking the general well-being of the whole: It is very logical and common to love what is loved, because it is needed, desired and yearns for contact with what it is loved. However, what is not logical is to confuse when love is more of a limiting want of the other, a kind of sick way of pretending what is unattainable or counterproductive.
What to do when you miss someone
1. Focus on the good, but don’t let it define you
Whether due to grief, loss or simply because that person is gone, remember the good times you had. Something you have to understand is that the emotion you feel when you miss someone deep down is positive. It makes you human.
«The more I miss you, the more I see you where you are not in places we went to, in objects that we gave ourselves…” You repeat yourself….
They say that in reality you never miss anyone, except the moment you had with that person, because there is a mysterious connection between a memory and a moment.
All those moments will remain indelible in your memory because they are part of the time of what you really lived. Remember those moments as something beautiful and endearing in your life but at the same time, understand that you are not that memory. Despite all the appreciation or even love you have for that person, that relationship does not define you. If you understand this like this, you will realize that you are not going to lose something very important: control of your life.
We can miss. We can love. But we cannot lose ourselves.
2. Expand yourself
It works on you. The moment you miss someone you should not make yourself weaker, but stronger. Direct all your energies to dedicate your time to meet your objectives and goals, to improve yourself. Let their absence instead of bringing you down inspire you and propel you onto a new path knowing that you have a life you want to remember. Make wanting not to forget to become an indicator of the extraordinary life worthy of the memory you have had.
3. Feel Grateful for being able to miss that person
“There is only something worse than losing that person … never having had them.”
You can feel lucky to have met that person because now it is better to miss them than never to have met them. Feeling grateful for what happened will bring you more moments like the ones you experienced.
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Missing can hurt
We can cite many examples of people we miss: we miss an adolescent love, a very dear friend, a grandfather who died some time ago, the moments of happiness with our family in childhood …
We do not want to be surprised, but nevertheless it is something that we cannot control and that hurts greatly. Beyond the fault that that person (or that situation) can do to us, what really makes us feel is a tightness in the chest and tears welling up from our eyes. It is the gap that has been left empty and that we cannot fill.
When you deeply love someone and have been really happy with him, the fact that he is no longer with you is a cause for sadness. Of course, it is understandable in the first moments, however after a certain time you should move forward and continue with your life.
To miss is more than remembering and above all, more than suffering. Because you can have the nice memory of a teacher from school or a trip you have made. But, missing goes further. To miss is to find ourselves again in front of the emptiness that that game left us. And it is very difficult to fill it again!
After receiving his undergraduate degree in psychology, Scott went on to work as a teacher and educational counselor while working towards his master’s degree. He has spent several years working with children and adults and has personal experience with Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, Dyslexia, and Depression.